WELCOME TO FT. DOGWOOD

This is from a blog I wrote for the original pet people blog site thru the Leaf Chronicle many moons ago--before I was involved in writing the weekly column. I loaned it to Sandy Britt to use for one of her columns--but I ran across it recently.   It is still pretty funny--so here it is again.

Welcome to Ft. Dog Wood! First line of defense and home of the Animal Army!!!

This is where hazardous duty is...well, hazardous doodie!

Service in this little company isn’t much different from that of the human military.General Lucy the Lab-- started it all (that’s right—WOMENS LIB at work)

There has been recruitment over the past six years as Charlie, Pearl and Hines have joined our merry little band of soldiers.

Who could resist that slogan?

PEE, ALL THAT YOU CAN PEE!!!

Pearl, of course, was a transfer from Ft Feline. Her specialty is night ops. She is only seen when she wants to be seen—code name “White Shadow”.

There are levels of rank: Lucy is the General, Pearl is the Lt Colonel, Hines is our Major, Charlie is a Sergeant, and …I’m a private.

***I find it extremely puzzling how I have been stationed at Ft. Dogwood the longest, yet I have the lowest rank.******

My basic training almost got the best of me as I was introduced to the life that would become routine.
First, there were routine shots and exams (none of them mine).
Then there was the endless marching ( up 7th street, around the loop or down to the River Walk and back).
The pursuit of unidentified personnel (squirrels) was always surprising.
Then there was standing in the rain while my fellows lay their special land mines.
And finally, the horror of stepping on one of them (see hazardous doodie) !!!!!

I soon graduated from basic, and over my career here, I have had many work assignments at Ft. Dogwood.
I have been : Recruiter, pulled KP, done Guard duty, drove Transports , served as a Barber, a Delousing Agent, , a Supply Officer, and Handler of Hazardous Waste.
I have also become the P.L.O – Permanent Latrine Orderly (Thanks A lot Andy Griffith!)

The roughest part of being a grunt in the Animal Army at Ft. Dogwood is the 5 AM reveille.
I am forced to rise when the General and her staff arrive… or clean up the consequences.
This is usually followed by PT – Poop Trip.
Then it’s up to the mess hall for chow---Dog and Cat chow that is.
Then, after the morning routine, they all file into quarters and go back to sleep.

In retrospect, our company has seen a lot of action.
There have been messy campaigns such as: Operation Couch Cushion, the Battle of the Bathroom Rug, and the unforgettably destructive War of the Wet Mattress Corner.
My least favorite duty is cleaning up after Target Practice (see War of the Wet Mattress Corner).
My superiors are demanding, yet very kind. I am constantly rewarded for my service.
I have received the commendation of Lubbins, 1st Class, Litter Paws, 2nd Class, and the Purple Snout (personally presented from Major Hines).

I hope someday to be promoted, but somehow I just don’t see it.
I have been lucky so far in this four legged troop.

I guess I’m in for life---a career man---

After all these years, you can’t even pick me out—I’m just another dog face.