In the Scottish Highlands, “Nessie”, is believed to inhabit Loch Ness.
The Pacific Northwest region of North America is noted as the home of the illusive and rather pungent Sasquatch or “Bigfoot”.
Sightings of Lake Champlain’s elusive sea beast “Champ” have been recorded since the early 1800’s.
Dogwood can now be added to the list of the mysterious, the strange and the unexplained.
We probably could have done that before, but let’s just make it official.
We have confirmed sightings and evidence of a terror all our own, currently known to the scientific community as the “Lick –A- lota- puss”. The creature has been characterized as a furry, ferocious beast with an extremely long, silky, and constantly licking, tongue.
Evidence proving its existence consists of a thick, sticky fluid that has been found on anything its whip-like, oral appendage touches. Residue of the fluid has been found on Dogwood’s floors, window sills, cushions, refrigerator, bed posts, clothing, cabinets, etc.
The technical term for this is action is called “spit-tification”.
We also have reports of nocturnal infiltration of human nostrils.
Unlike the fabled creatures that inhabit Loch Ness and the other mysterious destinations, the lick-a-loto-pus is in no way shy for photographic proof to be produced.
Previous attempts at photography or video footage have been blurry and incomplete. Images reveal a small, brown spotted backside, speeding away from the camera. Video footage shot on location is poorly lit, grainy and dark, but appears to reveal what looks like a white leg.
We can verify that there are no humps on the animal in the photos, but the creature does appear to be humping certain pieces of furniture. Bated traps have also failed to bring the creature out into view, though the bait has been mysteriously snatched away.
But it has been established that the creature likes peanut butter.
The Lick-a-lota-puss is a crafty, evasive creature.
Reviews of the sketchy evidence at hand, and a statement made by frightened Dogwood resident “Charlie”, reveal the creature to have a small body and a big attitude. It has been classified under the species of “adorab-lous”.
The creature is believed to be completely harmless and docile as long as a bowl of food, water, and a warm blankee is left in a secluded area such as under the kitchen table.
We at Dogwood have gone public with this story so that you might indentify any others animals of this sort that may have taken up residence in our area.
If you believe you have a Lick-A –Lota -Puss in your home, you are encouraged to proceed with caution and provide extra loving care.
Loch Ness and Lake Chaplain can have their sea monsters, and somebody can tell Bigfoot to keep on walkin’. We don’t need ‘em.
We got us a Lick a Lota Puss.
BREAKIN NEWS!!! LICK A LOTA PUSS HAS BEEN PHOTOGRAPHED!!!!!! SEE THE TONGUE FROM OUTER SPACE!!
That does look like a tongue of what could be a Lick-a-lota-puss....
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