Ernest
Death and I don't get along. He's always stronger than me--and no matter how hard I fight him--I always end up losing. Death isn't like fighting Chance or holding onto to HOPE. Death is the one that is just too strong to take down.
Lately Death seems to be taking more and more of my friends.
My little Duchess, who I had fallen in love with while she was living at the shelter, fell ill and died overnight--cause--parvo. She was there one minute, and gone the next--no excuse, no chance to say good bye--just gone. I can still see her running for the piece of rope, and hear her sweet bark, telling me that she wanted a treat. But they are just ghosts of what was--Duchess is gone.
Little Peek a Choo--my old feline friend up at Cats Are Us, who passed over the Rainbow Bridge on February 24th--he lived his entire life in that shelter--he had bladder issues that no one could see past--not even me. I always promised him that one day he would have a forever home. I lied. Everyone loved Peeky--everyone made him the promise to come back for him. No one came back for Peeky--no one gave him that chance--now it's too late. I wanted to give him something that I couldn't--and I am heartbroken that I never tried. He was sweet as the day was long, and I mourn his loss very deeply.
Ernest---someone I pulled for and prayed for to be rescued from the Animal Control. I got my prayer answered--and again got Death's swift kick in the gutt. Ernest had only been removed from AC a few days when he fell mysteriously ill and was fighting for his life. Again I asked God to intervene, but Ernest was already spoken for. He past away last week, leaving his rescuers to grieve for the mission unfulfilled.
Little Max--the little white chinless wonder dog who was beloved to my in-laws--went to be with God last week too. Little Max was a card--cute, cuddly--loving. He had a good long life and was treated very well. But even though we can be comforted by that thought, it is still so hard to say good bye to someone we loved so much. But little Max too, is gone, running free and painless thru the high Cotton in the Fields of the Lord forever.
So many others--so many names and faces that pass thru my life and my computer screen and my emails--everyday. Some of them I have hands on experience with. Some I simply fall in love with thru a picture. Some I cared for, or known thru rescue, looking into their eyes and seeing the light that burns to love a human and be their friend.
So many little faces that leave this Earth, and take a little bit of me with them when they go.
I don't like Death. It's a lose/lose situation.
I can fight depression.
I can resist temptation.
I can wrestle fear, and anxiety, and even stomp out anger.
But death is something too much to bare.
The only way to deal with death, and the ones that it takes from me---
is to live with it.
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