MORNING MADNESS: MAYHEM, MISCHIEF, AND HOT METAL

Pictured: The Charlie dog--otherwise known as the Canine Road Block

My day begins with mayhem, madness, and a steaming piece of hot metal.


No—I haven’t built a torture chamber or gotten into anything kinky. Actually the chore I am referring to, ironing clothes, is in no way that glamorous or sensational.

Let’s face it: ironing is a boring job. But like every other part of my life, the Dogwood crew always finds a way to liven things up.

To be fair, Lucy, my oldest, has no part of this. As she is mature, hard headed and set in her ways (sound familiar?), retreating to the bedroom to watch the morning news. While Lucy is catching the 5:15 weather report to see if she will need a raincoat or not, my other five feline felons and canine convicts are busy creating a whirlwind of activity.

Bart will climb up onto the highest peak of a stack of boxes. Both he, and the stack, will be teetering back and forth trying to find balance. I have no idea what draws him to high places, but one thing is for certain: before it’s over, Bart will get yet another flying lesson.

His kitty accomplice, and amateur botanist, Sebastian, is busy nearby rolling in the black soil of a big pot Peace Lilies. Before I leave for work, we’ll be having another baptism in the bathroom. I guess if I had nine lives; I’d be making sure all of them got to Heaven too.

Hines loves to hide himself behind the rack of pants. He thinks he’s being clever, but I think I would remember buying a pair of corduroys with little rat terror (I mean terrier) ears. But we still go thru the ritual of “Where’s Hines???” He never tires of this game, though I hate having to brush his fur off all my britches before I can iron them.

Daisy is always doing what Daisy does best: hanging onto my hip by her front paws, begging for attention until I pick her up.

Have you ever ironed a pair of slacks while holding sixteen pounds of pup and having your ear filled with dog spit? Trust me, you’d remember it. I wish Johnson & Johnson could invent a Q-Tip that is absorbent enough to soak all that fluid out of my ear.

Charlie, my special child, is more subdued. He always lies down on the rug, stretching out across the door way. Add a flashing light to his head and he’d be the perfect canine road block.

Just before I finish the job and begin to close down my little laundry stand, Bart and Sebastian discover that the chord of the iron is RETRACTABLE and the real fun begins.

Am I crazy to let this go on every morning? Naaaahhhh!

I spend all day away from them. But mornings, mayhem and all, are spent together. Besides, as long as they are with me, I’m not constantly asking myself, “What was that crash in the other room?”

So if you should see me out in public and notice that I’m wrinkled, scorched, or a little crispy around the collar, remember to be kind. My clothes may be sad, but my mornings are VERY joyful.