MY MILLION DOLLAR IDEAS

As I watched TV the other day, I marveled at the ad for another cheap, plastic, “as seen on TV” product that will make someone rich.

It’s like my Daddy always said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.”
With that in mind, I have decided to market my own ideas for pet products.

The first product is the “Tick ‘Em Off Time Keeper”.
This stylish, water proof wrist watch is attached to a super duper, never break, nylon dog or cat collar and fits snugly and fashionably on your pet.
The highly scientific apparatus gives off the newly discovered “rip-off rays” to drive ticks and fleas from your pet with ease.
But it’s not just a flea and tick preventative!
Does your dog need to know what time it is? “Tick ‘Em Off” can give your pet the exact time… in two different time zones!!!!
In to Dog racing? “Tick Em’ Off” has a built in stop watch!
It’s a multi-miracle bobble!

My next idea would be the “Handy Hairy Pet Toupee”.
Does your dog or cat have PPB (pet pattern balding)? Scientific studies performed in a foreign country at Cat Le Poo University show that 99.9% of all animals carry the “faulty follicle gene”.

But now you can save your pet from those embarrassing bald spots with the “Handy Hairy Pet Toupee”. This scientific marvel covers, smothers, and completely hides thinning and balding in your pet’s fur. Comb it in, or glue it on, and your pet is ready to look like a million bucks!

My biggest idea to date: The Invisible Pet Friend.
Are the furrier members of your house hold lacking attention due to your hectic lifestyle?
Well now, thanks to the miracles of pet science, your pet can enjoy hours of companionship and fun with his new “Invisible Pet Friend”.
Purchase an invisible boy pet or girl pet (extra fee of 59.99 for choice) that will follow your animal everywhere they go!
The “Invisible Pet Friend” is the perfect way to keep your animal satisfied, happy… and completely confused.

So there are my ideas. What do you think?

Of course, all of these items will be offered by my new company-“El-Cheapo”- at amazingly expensive discount prices. These products won’t be available in stores, and supplies will be limited…one per sucker.

Oh wait—I almost forgot to tell you about my best idea yet. I think you will like it.
I call it: “Free Love”.
This product is not to be confused with the 1960’s product of the same name.
There’s no ordering, no mailing, no money involved in this invention. But it will take some effort on the purchaser’s part.

Here’s how you can own “Free Love”.
Find your pet, wrap your arms around them, and give them a big hug.
Full Warrantee issued on each purchase with 100% Satisfaction guaranteed.

Of course, I wrote this column as a lark.
If you want to blow your money, invest it in a life. Support your local shelters.